I don't know who to trust, I don't know what to do. Suddenly, just all of a sudden, so many problems arise. And I'm easily pissed. I'm disturbed by what's happening. I'm angry at people. I'm sad at all the different situations. I don't know if I should be angry, I don't know if I should be sad.

Maybe, just maybe, there should be a permanent break from reality and fantasy, and maybe I should apply for leave from reality, because it isn't fun, and it never was. I need sleep, I need my normal life back. I need to go back, and let things stay as they were. I need to go back and make sure I never come back out to earth.

I can't take everything at one go. I can't. I don't have 1, I don't have 2 problems. I have more than you can ever count. And I think I'm troublesome the way I am. I mess up way too often.

One thing's that, I don't like bitches breaking my friend's hearts, especially someone I regard to as brother. Fuck you bitch.

I hate me, I hate you, you, you and you.

Fuck everything as it is now.

I hate life. Really badly.

Hate 2007. Hate 2008 the most. Hate 2009. Will hate 2010. Hate's a strong word. But it fits.

I don't know what to do, next year, next week will be secondary 4's life. My school life is messed. My life is messed. My familiy is messed. And nobody understands because I don't bother to explain - not that they'd understand if I explained.

I can't and won't explain. I'm disturbed. I don't wanna live. I wanna drown out everything, because I'm not happy and not everything is easy to solve. I haven't been happy. I've been thinking too much. I need a break.

Fuck. Life. And. Fuck. Everything.

Okay. So I spent the 24th at Emzy's. I spent the 25th at Mudder's. It was fun. Played Jenga with wasabi. I hate wasabi. I hate hate hate wasabi. Played Monopoly. Watched My Sister's Keeper. (Say Sister's Keeper 10 times really fast.) Didn't sleep the entire night. I learnt a few things. That Valerie laughs to herself, talks to herself and likes to take a lot, A LOT of pictures. Truth or Dare was... 3/4 retarded.

Olivia and Grace went homezx. Me and Val stayed. And we disturbed Mudder. In the morning. Like 5am, 6am. (Y).

"Melrize. Melrize. Melrize. Oi Melrize."
"Huh."
"How many times we call you?"
"2."

LOL. We taupok-ed Valerie. After a long long long time. Because she was... annoying(?) Because she keep laughing to herself. Scary.

Moar sleepoverz pl0x. I want. I like. (To disturb people early in teh wee hours.)

Hi. I'm at Emzy's. I'm really bored. It's 5 am. Don't think I'll be sleeping anytime soon.

Change is constant. But be it for the good, for the bad, that is up to the person.

I didn't change for the better. I changed for the worse. I regret, everything I did. I regret, all the wrongs I did. I regret, if ever, I lost it. I regret knowing you, you and you. Sound like a spoilt brat, but I'm not more spoilt than you.

The dark claimants of pretence would only mislead and misguide you. I'm unable to word my feelings out.

Fuck it all. Bye.

Resemble that of the outlook of a zombie. Tired and sunburnt.

"You need to let go, of letting go,
You're of shit, you're born to quit."

You can't tell, you won't tell. And if you could, it'll probably be the end of me. I feel miserable.

I don't know what's happening to me. Primary school gathering in about 10 hours? Or 9?

I don't know what's going on. I don't know how to face reality, because everytime it hits me harder. I need a break from life. I need a break from reality. If only for a day would whatever I imagine come true. If only for one day, would I truly be happy.

Anyway.

Sleepover at Em'z was... good until 5 am. Why? I got called home. Why? For a stupid wallpaper. But it's okay. I love my friends. Pandanzui ftw! We'll all gather again when Ash's back in SG. :)

I am tired.

My dad bought me an iTouch. I'm... happy. I guess.

I don't know what, actually, is my mood at the moment. It's mixed. But one thing's for sure, I'm still afraid. I don't want it to happen again. Training later. At 6pm. Haha.

I love The Used. I love Senses Fail. And those are about the only bands I stay true to.

I don't know what is 'happy',
I don't know what is 'sad',
I wish I forgot all this,
I wish I forgot how to feel.
All within a day.

"You could be empty,
I could be right here empty with you,
Or you could be hollow,
And I could be right here hollow with you,
If you wanna say goodbye to everything you could say goodbye to,
I could be right here empty with you."

If I died and I had a funeral, you'd be the last person I'd expect, or the first to leave.

It's 1.46am. I hate year ends. Happy belated birthday to Amy, :).

"It's been some time,
Since some one asked me to light up her heart."

I'm not happy. I'm never happy. It's not enough. It's never enough. I'm not good. I'm never good. I think I won't be able to sleep. I don't think you care. I don't think you'll ever care. I didn't have a nice childhood. I won't have a nice teenage life. I won't enjoy my adult life.

"It should be alright,
For long it has been,
The last time I saw,
That smile."

I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I've been thinking. And I keep thinking. I wish I stopped thinking. I wish I was braindead. I wish I never had to feel. I wish I never was borned. I wish I never had to do anything. I wish I wasn't anything.

"Your lips are shaking goodbye."

"Things you said,
Burns no more,
But I know that's worst than before."

"Teach me, how to forget how to feel."

I'm not anything. I wasn't anything. I won't be anything. Back to reality.

It's only painful when I go back to reality.



Ahma's birthday on Friday. Yet to get her present. I'm in deepshit. -.-.

Went rollerblading with mudder and Feli ah, learnt it, but can't stop. So I fell on my butt. 3 times. Mudder laughed. 3 times. Tsk.

I wanna kill myself because I keep rereading the notes you gave.

Hello world. Today I went for the class BBQ. Stuff happened, good and bad. :D I love Mudder and Aunt Lili. They did stuff, made me laugh like mad.

HAHA. Like, running towards me screaming because there was a beetle(?) And 'headbanging' because the beetle flew towards her, or landed on her head and dancing cuz they wanna take pictures. HAHAHAHA.

HELLO FELICITY, I LOVE YOU AS MY ZEH IN LAW. WELCOME BACK TO SINGAPORE AND HOPE YOU DON'T/WON'T TOUCH ANY DAIRY PRODUCTS IN THE MIDST OF YOUR MEDICATION, GET WELL SOON AND THANKS FOR TEH CAPCAPCAP <3

Oh, Taeyang's my idol.

Call me stupid, tell me I'm wasting my time, but I've decided to buy _ for _.

"Baby, jebal geuui soneul japjima,
Cuz you should be my lady,
Oraen sigan gidaryeo on nal, dorabwajwo,

Noraega ullimyeon ije neonuen,
Geuwa pyeongsaengeul hamkkehajyo,
Oneuri oji ankireul,
Geureoke na maeil bam gidohaenneunde,

Nega ibeun wedingdeureseu,
Nega ibeun wedingdeureseu,
Nega ibeun wedingdeureseu."

I'm back. (From Malaysia, which was hella boring.)

I'm not gonna have any MuayThai classes until January. That's very long, and I have a lot of compressed anger. I'm a tiny person, which means it won't be long until I randomly explode -some day. Best of luck to whoever gets it. :D

On a side note, I hate listening to sad songs, but they're all I have.

HAI DEARDEAR I MISSED YOU TOO. THANKS FOR YOUR MISC. SPAMS. ♥