I bought new clothes. I want new shoes.

My new clothes look gay cuz I am.

I have 2 tops from Freshbox. (roflolmao.) And 2 bottoms from Top Man. (Ironic.) I'm buying more. I just don't see nice ones.

I need new Vans. But I won't throw my current pair away. It has... purposes, to remember. To remind.

I have a short post. But I'm gonna continue ranting. Don't worry ghosties. :D
---

I'm sleeping over at En's with Lim Shimeow tomorrow, cuz I'm going to the countdown at DTE with En, Shimmy, Raudhah, Adam(?), Pariz(?), Clive and (insert name here.)

I'm not happy-high-in-the-sky-wheee now. I'm pretty much =l-ish. Lol.

I wanna rant. But am not in the mood. Cuz, other than ghosties, no one's gonna read this.

My brother is a big fat moron. The end.

PS: "Cuz I'm sick of everybody else." - Boys Like Girls - (I forgot what song.)

[edit]
I think it's sad. Sad how everyday I wake up to wish I never did. Wake up to face the same sickening faces. Wake up to listen to fake stories. Wake up to be shunned and shunned again. I mean like, why can't y'all just kill me. Huh. Just kill me.

I can't keep a conversation going. I can't. I just suck, I can't.

Everyone I talk to is like "no, you can't die" bla bla. Why? Why...?

Why can't I kill myself and get it over with. I'm kinda sick of false pretenses or how sometimes people avoid me. Or for bla-ever reason.

I don't like to talk. I don't like to communicate. I do both for the sake of trying to fit the shit in. I don't know why I... never mind.

Bye.
It's pointless anyway, good night ghosties reading my blog. I hope you have a nice night ahead.

[/edit]

So what if I'm fucked up. No one actually cares.
And so what if I wanted to jump off a building. Nothing. Atrophy builds then I can explode and die.

I try, to be happy. I try, to be happy for everyone else. I tried, to fucking cheer myself up. It didn't work cuz I'm such a fag. Nothing good comes from me because I'm so predictable.

I don't feel fucking normal. I can't fucking smile without having this need to feign it. And so fucking what if you could see through my fucking fake smile. It doesn't matter. Nobody would care cuz I'm nobody. My parents don't care anymore. It's like, now I get what I want. But so what, lol, if I asked to die, they'd probably just say yes. I no longer get any attention. I like it. But where's the seriousness in it then. Does it matter? No.

I don't fucking care who even reads this pile of... monstrous entry I even bother to type.

I can't vent my anger. I have no fucking thing to vent it on.
I can't pray properly. I lose count of everything I want to pray. I can't focus.
I can't face my friends, my family properly. I don't know why. But I feel like isolating myself.

Become the person I was before. The one with no friends. It's probably better that way. I mean, look at me. Huh. What am I. -.-. I am NOTHING.

My teacher said I was a bad influence.
Some of my friends think I'm a bad influence.
My mom, my dad, my relatives, every fucking body I have, thinks I'm a bad influence.

THEN FUCKING KILL ME.

I can't stand this. I want to cry. I can, but at the same time I don't want to. I wanna scream. I can, but I won't. I want to rant everything out. I would if I could. But I can't.

I've said it many times. I'll say it again. I'll keep everything inside me. I won't let one leak out. I'll wait till I've had it. Maybe then I'll end my life.

So what if I drink. I don't care if I drink till my kidney dies, or whatever in me dies. It doesn't fucking matter. My parents don't give a fucking shit anyway, so why the fuck should I.

Lol. But then of course, people will probably take another million years to notice this post. So why do I even bother. Bye.

I am fucked up.

I dunno what to do. I feel dead. Everytime I try to be happy, it doesn't work. This sucks.

I guess I'm not having a very merry Christmas then. I have nothing to say.

"I feel fucked up.
Like any other day,
I wake up to see that,
I still feel the same way.

I can't express how I feel,
How I felt,
I've never had these problems when I was twelve,
I never, liked the feeling of being expelled,
Of being happy.
Being happy."

I. Don't. Have. A. Reason. To. Live.
And. I. Don't. Need. One.
Cuz I'mma die the same sad way I'm going to.

It's Christmas. Yay.

But why do I feel fucked up. I feel screwed, a big fat mess. I feel like every other person, other thing, object, bla, hates me. Well, maybe it's true since I'm so much of a jackass. -shrugs.

I'm probably most hated and I don't even know. ^^.

Every sound scares me. Every sharp object tempts me. Every height higher is another reason for me to jump.

I don't know.

This sucks.

Merry Christmas.

I r coward.
I r dumb.
I r really some screwed up person.

I'm a waste of time. I'm a waste of space.

I'm a waste of every other thing on Earth as I try to smile everyday. To laugh everyday. Its pointless, eventually. Lol. Bye.

Vids and pictures'll do the talking.

How lame and unexpected we are.

Left to right, Pariz, Adam, Desmond and Clive.

Spastic. D:
Left to right, Shimmy, me, and Emazard. ;o.

Proof that camwhoring needs skillzxs. LOL.
Pay no attention to my arm.

Seyan's back from 20th's BBQ.
PS: He didn't notice this. Also, we added a lot more. This is like, the earliest picture I took.

And finally, introducing, Koyn.

Hell yeh, my guitar.

Kay, so we all met in the morning. Me and Shimmy went to Emazard's place. Justin was already there. -.-.

So they straightened my hair. Shimmy tried to burn my face with the straightener. D:

Did my hair. Went off. Reached the bus stop at like 11.14~ thereabouts. Then um, met up with the above mentioned. Except Clive wasn't there yet, and Arina was there instead. (No, she's not in any pictures cuz she left before we took any. -.-)

Then... um. Haunted house, viking's ship, wild and wet... um... the rolly-turny-slow thing you see when you first enter Escape Theme Park.

PS: Enmarye was with Pariz for most of the rides. LOL.

And. The haunted house is a bloody rip off, in my own, Singlish, words, "Not scary one. (-_-)-'-" Hmm, Pariz was being a monkey throughout the whole thing. -.-. Adam tried to be gay. Clive had center parting when he was on the viking's ship. LOLOLOL. Justin was kinda gay when it came to the haunted house. -.-. CHIONGGGGG all the way in front, left me and Desmond at the back. -.-. In the end I lost Desmond, and found Shimin somewhere. The haunted house is. STUPID. -.-.

I liked the Viking's Ship and uh. The uh... Wild and wet, or wet and wild. I don't know and honestly, I don't care. (I got freakin' wet for the... wet one though. -.-.)

VIKING'S SHIP WAS AWESOME SHIT. Though I did feel like puking. Then I had that adrenaline rush in me. ;o.

I left the guys at around 5+ -.-.

Then I got drunk. -.-. And many many things happened. But I don't wanna say. So far, only mame and (censored, censored, censored and censored) know. -.-.

Oh well. Bye.

I don't like centralised posting. So now, it's normal. LOL. -.-.

PS: We did not go to KBox. So Justing couldn't sing Womanizer. :D. Thank God.

Kay bye.

I'm scared, paranoid. Of everything.

I used to speak of many things. Anything you give me and I'll rant about it. Rant. Rant. Rant. Non stop.

Now. I lost that ability. I'll probably take awhile to think about what to say and/or rant.

This sucks.

I'm even scared of telling my friends stuff. Lol.

Bye.

Today I went for class gathering thing. It was supposed to be fun. I supposed most of them had fun.

I smiled, I laughed, for the sake of fitting in. I didn't really bother about everything else. I tried to act normal. I tried to laugh, tried to smile. Everything. Pretense. I got tired. So I got the others to jump into the pool with me. Good enough, I didn't have to show emotions. Cold it was, but I don't care. Who cares anyway.

Everything they did was supposed to be 'fun'. Including the dumping of ice into the shirts. But I didn't have any, not any fun. It's was... empty. Meaningless... Pretty much pointless.

So what if I did smile? Does it mean I'm happy?
So what if I did laugh? Does it mean I'm having fun and/or enjoying every moment?
So what if I did inflict injury upon myself? Does it matter?

The answer to the questions are all the same. No. No. And no.

Ultimately I've transformed from a somewhat normal, happy person, to a... abnormal, not-happy person.

I need people to talk to. But I don't want to.
I need a lot of things. But I just suck too much.

What else is there for me? ... Nothing. :]

It's empty inside, whatever I do. I feel like a zombie. I feel like nothing. Cuz I am nothing.

Empty.

Very, very, very, very empty. I have nothing inside. I've lost, all my feelings, I have very low interest in everything. I don't care if right now, thunder strikes me dead. I have nothing to lose. I don't care.

Since there's nothing for me to live for. Who fucking cares.

Bye.

"Blood like waterfalls beating down your face,
Memories that scar you, memories you can't trace,
Back to the past, stuck in that spot, you've been,
Used, misused, abused, a whole lot."
-AHIAIN - pure blood.

I feel dead. Don't know why but yeh. My dog's good. He doesn't sleep if I don't. Either that, or I'm being an extra having the lights up so he can't sleep. Either one of those.

I don't feel... anything properly. No. Nothing.

I could inflict a certain pain onto myself, and feel nothing, even with the liquid you call blood. Blood. Speaking of which I have been nosebleeding again. :]. It's awesome with the amount that comes out. Untimely, too. :D.

Maybe I should end my own life, being such a heavy burden to many people. Or... maybe a burden to not just people, other stuff, I suppose. I should face the fact that not everyone is loved by every other being.

"I tried to be the one that everybody loved, where has that gotten me?" -Senses Fail/Family Tradition.

I admit. I do yearn for attention sometimes, but really, it's better to be in the dark. :D. So what if I have friends to tell my problems to? Do I actually do that? No. And so what if they wanted to listen? Would they understand? Probably, but there wouldn't be anything they could do -- with the exception that unless they could return me back to the period when I was born, so I could stop it from happening.

I've been thinking maybe I wasn't much of a useful kid. Being so... useless, dependant... useless. Who, would know if I attempted suicide without telling? No one. That's right. Maybe if I did disappear, no one would notice. O_o" But who knows, or cares for that matter.

I don't feel safe. Not here. Not there. Not anywhere. Everywhere I go is a threat. If there's heights, I'll feel like jumping. If there's knives, I'll probably want to stab one into my unworthy heart. If there's anything worth of strangulation, I think I'd use it.

But I have control. Question is, when will I run out of that?

I. Am a useless piece of filth, dirtying this utter clean surface. This speck of dust that pollutes the air. This... nonetity. :].

No one cares. Why am I ranting. Bye.

Mame came back. ^^. My dog is cute. :].

My life is. Ultimately, meaningless. The end and goodbye.

I'm 2 different people when I'm out and when I'm home. I don't like to socialise, I just do for the sake of it. I talk to my dog. I'm weird. But at least most of the times, he listens and well, doesn't give me stupid advice. Now I'm not saying that my friends do give me stupid advices most of the time. It's just that sometimes their advice is stupid beyond the word stupid.

And stupidly, sometimes I listen. Then crash... and burn.

The most my dog does is, bark, walk away. I'm not stupid. I know he isn't listening, what do you expect from a dog? An exceptionally good counsellor? Oh c'mon. He is a dog.

I'm tired. But I don't show. Because I don't wanna be some wet blanket thing. It's not nice. I know I type long posts, but no one reads 'em so I don't care.

I'm starting to hate my dad again, really. I don't care how many guitars he buys for me. I don't care if he kills me. My life, is meaningless. Less than 10, no wait, 5 people will care if I die. And maybe if I did die in silence, I can convince myself with unlimited reasons and reassure myself that, honestly, nobody gives a shit about me.

I hate to see that my dad is stupid in such a way its really... beyond my command of words. How stupid does he think I am. How long did he think I'd take to figure that many things. And how long did my friends actually think I'd intend to live?

Really, I just came home. Not long ago. And there I was, trying to be happy. But now, I'm back to where I started. I'm back to my original state. I'm back to who I am. I. Am not happy.

So what if I had people to call and talk to. What are the chances of ME actually doing that? Non, zero, zilch, zin, naye.

I don't wanna talk. I don't wanna breathe. I don't wanna move. I don't wanna do a lot of things.

Right now, this very instant. I just wanna die. But then again, who gives two broken knuckles about me. Ha ha.

This sucks. And aparently, it somehow is nice to finally know I'm dying.

Lol. Bye.

I don't like my dad. Ha ha.

"I don't feel needed,
Not anymore,
Yeah I'm feeling useless,
Even more than before."

My life's pretty much a redundant shitass one now. I feel like crap. I feel like shit. I feel like someone who has never done anything right.

And look at me now. When did I do anything right. -_-.

Yucks, bye.

[edit]
I only look forward to Monday not cuz my dad's coming home. I look forward to Monday cuz mame comes back on Tuesday. >_>
[/edit]

Hello.

I went out today. To Bugis. I had faggy hair. Because I'm a fag. I wasn't tired. I'm surprised by that fact. I like short sentences. But I'mma type properly now.

Anyway, I woke up at like, 6, thanks to Pudding. He was arf-ing away. Wasn't loud, just repetitive. ._." Then I fell asleep again. So he attempted to wake me up again, he jumped on me. ._." And arf-ed. -_-. But I love Pudding anyways <3.

Okay then, started to do my hair and stuffs, from 10 to um... 11, xD. I know it's long. >_> (I showered at 8. Did my hair at 10. HEE.) Wore contacts but got pissed. -_-. Cuz smartass-ed Germy here didn't touch the contacts for... a long time. -_-. Heh.

Then blaaa. Met at whitesands. And then! Snakebites! <3.

Hee.

Oh looky, I just dc-ed from MSN. Great. And I didn't notice. LOLOLOL.

Kay, then we talked cock on the MRT, well mostly they did. (They: Genn, Shumin, Y2, Ju.) :]. I like quiet. LOLOLOL. Aaaaaaanyway, yeh, reached Bugis. I was bored. Walked to... Bugis Junction or somethin'. Went around looking for Seoul Garden. (Sp?)

Found it, reserved place, went slacking, they talked, I psp-ed. Got more bored. Shumin wanted me to entertain them. And so I almost did a stageslide. But nuuuuu, the others didn't want that. It was embarassing. =x. -.-. Oh wellio. Waited... and got our seats.

We went to get our food and drinks and bla. (I drank loads cuz I swallowed 2 chewing gums. >_>). Ate, got bloated. Meanwhile something stupid happened.

Genn: W'lao, should've taken kimchi soup la.
Me: Kimchi hot, not nice la.
Y2: Kimchi hen la. (very hot in chinese.)
Shumin: (forgot what she said then um) Kimchi got smell! Kimchi smell!
-insert ROFLOLMAOUTERSPACE scene.
Genn: LOL, then chicken got what smell?
Shumin: Fish smell.

x] xD. Stupid. LOL.

Kay, then went to um, Bugis Street. (The place stinks, the place is crowded, the place is very hot, the place has irritating techno music blasting from 51514624354 directions, the place has a very irritating "oh wait, we walked here already" kinda thing". -_-)

Blaaaaa-ed, drank Spanish coffee. >_> Went back. Y2 and Ju went home. Genn, me and Shum went to Popular, Genn bought her Christmas cards, I did nothing, Shum did nothing. The end.

Then we all went home and died. The end.

Kay, Bye.

4 DAYSSSSSS. LOLOLOLOL. ._.

Five more days, just five. Then mame comes back. ^^

Lololololol. I am very bored now, ._. or, if able, someone help me find a more suitable word for my mood now. =/

Gah.

Bye.

My bro traded his red psp with my black one. -_-.

Anyway.

Mame's going to Japan tomorrow. For nine days. D:

.. Gah.
... D:

Mehk.

Bye.

1. The person who tagged me is ?/ Amy Ho.
2. Your relationship with him/her ?/ Friend.
3. Your 5 impression of her/him ?/ Tall, skinny, dark, bla and boo. :D
4. The most memorable thing she/he had for you ?/ Nothing.
5. If she/he becomes your lover , you will ?/ ... O_o""
6. If she/he becomes your lover , things she/he needs to improve on ?/ Will never happen. LOL.
7. If He/She become your enemy how ?/ I dunno.
8. What is it you want to tell her/him now ?/ Hi Amy, please become fatter, kthxbai.
9. Your overall impression on her/him now ?/ Hi.
10. How do you think people around you , will feel about you ?/ I probably am pretty crap/saddistic.
11. The characters of yourself you love are ?/ Absolutely nothing.
12. The most ideal person you want to be is ?/ I wanna be... LIKE BUDDY NEILSON!
13. For people who cares & likes you , say something to them./ Hi, you either wasted your time or... you love me a lot. LOL.

Choose 10 people to be tagged(:
1. Mame
2. Shimin.
3. Emz
4. Toof
5. Peek
6. Koyn
7. PUDDING!
8. Groudon
9. Pikachu
10. Skitty.

14. Who's no.6 having a relationship with ? (Koyn)/ He is a single guitar. :D
15. If no.7 and no.10 are together , will it be a good thing ? (PUDDING! and Skitty.)/ One's a dog, and one's a pokemon, what do you think?
16. What is no.2 studying about ? (Shimin)/ Stuff her school teaches..
17. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3 ? (Emz)/ Just now. -_-
18. What kind of music no.8 likes ? (Groudon)/ RAHR RAHR RAHR!
19. Does no.1 have any siblings ? (Mame)/ Nope.
20. Will you woo no. 3 ? (Emz)/ -no comments-
21. How about no.7 ? (PUDDING!)/ He. Is. A. Dog.
22. Is no.4 single ? (Toof)/ No.
23. What is the surname of no.5 ? (Peek)/ Wood.
24. What is the hobby of no. 10 ? (Skitty)/ Purring? LOL
25. Do no.5 & no.9 get along well ? (Peek and Pikachu.)/ Well they should, both of 'em has pee in in. LOL.
26. Where does no.9 live ? (Pikachu)/ Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow/Silver/Gold bla bla bla
27. What colours does no.4 likes? (Toof)/ No specified colour.
28. What is no.10 doing now ? (Skitty)/ I dunno, fighting other pokemons?


LOLOLOL

For people who think I actually laugh when I say lol.

I don't. It's because I have absolutely nothing to say. Henceforth, this is my reply to you.

1. I do not fucking laugh at everything when I type lol/LOL/lmao/LMAO/LMFAO etc etc.
2. I have nothing else to say. What do you actually want me to reply to when it's something I didn't participate in/take part in/have no memory of/not interested in.
3. If I actually reply lol to something I did take part in, bla, bla, or bla. I'm probably distracted.
4. Either that or I'm fucking pissed. Speaking of which.

I am pretty fucking pissed now.

Fag it, I want my dog.

Dear fucker:
If you happen to lose my dog because you're a fucking smart fuck to unlock his leash, you fucking die. That dog is the only thing I tell everything to. Why? Because he doesn't understand, and one hundred percent, guaranteed, he will not tell anyone. If you fucking lose my dog. You fucking lose your head. Bloody fuck. You think that just because you're my fucking dad I can't do anything to you? Fag you. You remove his bed then he catches a cold. Now you unlock his fucking leash. Do you think I'm happy. No, fuck no I'm not happy.

Fuck you. Have a nice day tormenting the fucking shit out of me.
Sign, your very fucked up stranger. Not related to you. -_____-"

Next.

Mame's going to Japan in a few days. Great. Yay. ._.

And then. Bye.

I love my dog. But he is sick. Because some smartass took away his bed and he slept on the cold floor.
I'd like to say...

._.

True enough. I'm giving up on myself. (^^,)v.

There isn't anything real for me to hold on to anymore. That slack of rope broke halfway through and I'm just being hurled down now.

I'm gonna become a secondary 3 student soon enough. I know for a fact, I'll say that I'm gonna study, I'm gonna shut off my play time, bla bla bla. It's a pile of platypus poop. I end up playing, I end up slacking, I end up everything except studying. It's so fucking cliche, so fucking predictable.

It's so stupid. I can't laugh or smile without having the need of faking it. Even if it's a little teeny bit, I'd have to fake it. :D. It just seem so that I'm alright. I can smile. I can laugh. But is it real?

I know in life I'll be used, sooner or later. But I think I've been used a little too much. I'm human. I have my limits. I have limitations. I'm not some fucked up robot who does as programmed. And damn right, even if I was a motherfucking robot, I won't have so many programmers to programme my every move, my every thought, my every fucking thing.

And. Really. What's with everyone saying they're fat. For goodness's fucking crap sake. They all say they're fat when fuckthehell, they're not. -_-. That's one thing that pisses the shit off of me. The worse happens when they tell me they're not gonna eat. They're gonna starve, they're gonna this, that, BLA. It. Worries the bloody fucking shit out of me. Know why? The way they diet, IS NOT FUCKING HEALTHY. Blame the fucking media, everything's SKINNY IS GOOD. SKIINY IS THE NEW IN THAAANG. Oh, fuck you to the burning hell, it's whoever's fucking fault, whoever started this stupid being skinny is good thing. -_-.

Oh wow. -_-. Zzzz. ZZZZ.

And people actually think it's funny when I freak out. When I'm not in the mood, when I'm pissed, and when I actually am anti-social. Lol.

Maybe it is funny. Maybe when I die, it'll be the joke of the lifetime. Then you people can go laugh like little fags. :D

... Oh, wait, you people can laugh like you always did, I'll die like the fag I am. :D

It's nice when people can't see through you. It's better when people treat you invisible. It's the best, when I die. :D No one gives a fuck anyway. -_-. The end and good riddance.